Post by Insaniholic on Jul 19, 2008 21:56:34 GMT -5
Horrible monstrosties and crap occur when one consumes 37 chocolate bars and other sugary products. This only worsens if the consumer also happens to be literate. Thus, this very user of sugary consumption, Insaniholic, has written this. What you are about to witness may cause eternal scarring, mental breakdown/retardation, etc. You have been warned. But screw that, you better read this shit. I spent time and sugar on this. You better read.
This is in fact true. I ate 37 chocolate bars and other sugary crap. I feel like I'm gonna barf...I'm gonna use this hype for now.
For the first chapter... I dunno. I'm just gonna use some generic online roulette or random results generator.
Topics for First Chapter:
Slot 1- Empty
Slot 2- Empty
Slot 3- Empty
Slot 4- Empty
Slot 5- Empty
Slot 6- Empty
Slot 7- Empty
Now to use a roulette or generator... Just gonna go insert some random topics I think of, press the enter button, wait for results, and...
Slot 1- Death Note
Slot 2- Jesus
Slot 3- Machetes
Slot 4- iPod
Slot 5- Optimus Prime
Slot 6-Pastafarianism
Slot 7- Fish
Trust me, I'm as surprised as you are. But then again, 37 chocolate bars really had to do something with this... Alright.
Chapter 1
There was Light, confronted by the police, trapped. L stepped through the small crowd of police, and looked at Light with a tired stare.
"Alright. We're all very tired now, so just come along, no commotion. Understo-"
His stomach grumbled a bit. There was an awkward silence. All the cops even lowered their weapons and Light's demeanor loosened in paranoia, joining in on the awkwardness.
"Mr. Yagami? Can you go bring me a slice of chocolate cake? It's in the back of the van in a brown paper bag with my name on it." L asked.
"At this time?! We are just about to catch Kira!" Soichiro shouted in disbelief.
"But in order for my father to get the paper bag, he has to know your name! In fact, why not tell me? I'll get it!" Light yelled.
"He would never do that!"Touta shouted in reponse. "Right L?!"
"Hmm... Oh right. My name is-" L was interrupted by being tackled by several officers.
"You can't just give away your indentity!!!" They scolded.
"But I'm hungry..." L argued.
"HAHA, SUCKERS!!! I'M OUTTA HERE! YOU CAN'T CATCH ME! I'M JESUS!!! NO, IN FACT, I'M FRIGGIN' GOD!!!" Light bellowed as he ran away.
He continued to run and looked back as the officers got up from dogpiling L. Unexpectedly, he bumped into something.
"Hey, uh, How's it been, Light?"
Light turned to see what he crashed into. Actually, who. His jaw dropped and his eyes stared in disbelief. His pupils jittered around like they do in anime.
"N-n-ooo... It can't be... It's... Jesus..." He was trembling.
"Now Light, killing is a sin. A very, very awful sin." Jesus began.
"NO! I REFUSE TO LISTEN TO YOUR GOD DAMN MORAL LECTURES!!!" Light screamed, placing his hands over his ears.
"Hey man, that's my dad." Jesus replied, who seemed a bit offended.
"Rah! You die, NOW!!!" He said as he brought out the Death Note. An appalling grin of pure madness washed over his face.
"Haha!!! I'm gonna be the one to kill Jesus! Haha Ryan Schallenberger! You had your chance, but you missed it! You suck!" Light yelled.
Somewhere getting mental examinations, Ryan sneezed.
"Damnit." He muttered.
Light wrote Jesus's name into the Death Note.
"Hey Light, you shou-" Jesus dropped to the ground of a heart attack.
"Haha! victory is mine!" Light bragged.
A beam of light shined on Jesus, and he resurrected.
"Young Light, as I was sayi- Oh father. Why did you have to give life to Apple?" Jesus said while looking up to see a million iPods rain down upon him.
"Victory!" Light cheered.
Jesus revived again.
"Light-" He got crushed again by another million of iPods.
"Victory!"
This process repeated for the next 18 hours.
"Hey, uh, shouldn't we do something?" One of the officers asked.
"Nah, it's Jesus." Another cop answered.
"Dude, I'm not Christian though."
"What? Then what are you?"
"Pastafarian."
"That's ridiculous."
"You intolerant bastard."
"All right Light... I'm getting tired of this." Jesus said with a ting of irritation for the first time in his lifetime(s). One more iPod dropped and hit his head.
"ALL RIGHT! THAT IS IT, BOY! YOU NEED SOME DISCIPLINE!!!" Jesus shouted.
Jesus had cracked. This was not good news. It had never happened before. He raised his hand in the air, and a giant machete formed in his hand.
"Oh shit." Light said.
Jesus rushed at Light, shoving the machete through Light's ribs.
"AW MUTHA-"
"Fudgers! I love those things! They still at retail?" An officer asked.
"Yes. I believe so. I have a bag of them in the van. Can you go get them?" L replied.
"Sure!" The cop went off towards the bus to go get a bag of Fudgers. Mmm...l love Fudgers... mini brownies that are more like chocolate then brownie. How it is possible is unknown.
While you were listening to the conversation about Fudgers, Jesus had stabbed Light through 263 points on his body. Light was drenched in his own blood, crying and wetting himself. Ryuk was flying right above the fight, munching on some apples.
"Dang. This is pretty awesome." He admitted as he swallowed an apple. He choked on the apple and fell down.
Anyways, the cop headed towards the van, ready to get some fudgy goodness, when all of a sudden... A TRUCK CAME AND RAN HIM OVER!!! The truck transformed.
"Fudgers are right of all sentient beings." Optimus Prime declared.
Transformers fanboys in the corner cheered loudly until they began to get beaten up by street patrol.
The Autobot began running towards the fight between Jesus and Light. Jesus was winning. By now, he had just lodged the machete in Light's leg and already began firing laser beams.
"Jesus!" Optimus Prime cried.
"Huh? Optimus?" Jesus looked up and stopped blasting Light.
"Jesus, how could you have done such an act? This could only have been done by a Decepticon, not an Autobot!"
"I'm sorry, Optimus, but..."
"Hey, I'm still here." Light said, but with his dislocated jaw it sounded like, "Shay, Phligm shtllz zhheear."
Jesus stepped on Light's face.
"Jesus, or should I say, Megatron?" Optimus Prime questioned.
Jesus stared at him, and soon a dark grin became visible.
"So you saw through my disguise, Prime!" What appeared to be Jesus began to transform, and soon became Megatron.
Light's face got crushed in.
"One shall stand, and one shall fall." Optimus Prime said.
Megatron began walking towards Optimus Prime to engage in an epic staring contest, but tripped over Ryuk's choked up apple. Apparently, he had managed to get it dislodged out of his throat. Megatron went tumbling down, landing on the ground, face-down.
A fish leapt out of the ground.
To be continued... In chapter 2
Now I gotta go lose weight again... And regain the brain cells I lost while writing this...
This is in fact true. I ate 37 chocolate bars and other sugary crap. I feel like I'm gonna barf...I'm gonna use this hype for now.
For the first chapter... I dunno. I'm just gonna use some generic online roulette or random results generator.
Topics for First Chapter:
Slot 1- Empty
Slot 2- Empty
Slot 3- Empty
Slot 4- Empty
Slot 5- Empty
Slot 6- Empty
Slot 7- Empty
Now to use a roulette or generator... Just gonna go insert some random topics I think of, press the enter button, wait for results, and...
Slot 1- Death Note
Slot 2- Jesus
Slot 3- Machetes
Slot 4- iPod
Slot 5- Optimus Prime
Slot 6-Pastafarianism
Slot 7- Fish
Trust me, I'm as surprised as you are. But then again, 37 chocolate bars really had to do something with this... Alright.
Chapter 1
There was Light, confronted by the police, trapped. L stepped through the small crowd of police, and looked at Light with a tired stare.
"Alright. We're all very tired now, so just come along, no commotion. Understo-"
His stomach grumbled a bit. There was an awkward silence. All the cops even lowered their weapons and Light's demeanor loosened in paranoia, joining in on the awkwardness.
"Mr. Yagami? Can you go bring me a slice of chocolate cake? It's in the back of the van in a brown paper bag with my name on it." L asked.
"At this time?! We are just about to catch Kira!" Soichiro shouted in disbelief.
"But in order for my father to get the paper bag, he has to know your name! In fact, why not tell me? I'll get it!" Light yelled.
"He would never do that!"Touta shouted in reponse. "Right L?!"
"Hmm... Oh right. My name is-" L was interrupted by being tackled by several officers.
"You can't just give away your indentity!!!" They scolded.
"But I'm hungry..." L argued.
"HAHA, SUCKERS!!! I'M OUTTA HERE! YOU CAN'T CATCH ME! I'M JESUS!!! NO, IN FACT, I'M FRIGGIN' GOD!!!" Light bellowed as he ran away.
He continued to run and looked back as the officers got up from dogpiling L. Unexpectedly, he bumped into something.
"Hey, uh, How's it been, Light?"
Light turned to see what he crashed into. Actually, who. His jaw dropped and his eyes stared in disbelief. His pupils jittered around like they do in anime.
"N-n-ooo... It can't be... It's... Jesus..." He was trembling.
"Now Light, killing is a sin. A very, very awful sin." Jesus began.
"NO! I REFUSE TO LISTEN TO YOUR GOD DAMN MORAL LECTURES!!!" Light screamed, placing his hands over his ears.
"Hey man, that's my dad." Jesus replied, who seemed a bit offended.
"Rah! You die, NOW!!!" He said as he brought out the Death Note. An appalling grin of pure madness washed over his face.
"Haha!!! I'm gonna be the one to kill Jesus! Haha Ryan Schallenberger! You had your chance, but you missed it! You suck!" Light yelled.
Somewhere getting mental examinations, Ryan sneezed.
"Damnit." He muttered.
Light wrote Jesus's name into the Death Note.
"Hey Light, you shou-" Jesus dropped to the ground of a heart attack.
"Haha! victory is mine!" Light bragged.
A beam of light shined on Jesus, and he resurrected.
"Young Light, as I was sayi- Oh father. Why did you have to give life to Apple?" Jesus said while looking up to see a million iPods rain down upon him.
"Victory!" Light cheered.
Jesus revived again.
"Light-" He got crushed again by another million of iPods.
"Victory!"
This process repeated for the next 18 hours.
"Hey, uh, shouldn't we do something?" One of the officers asked.
"Nah, it's Jesus." Another cop answered.
"Dude, I'm not Christian though."
"What? Then what are you?"
"Pastafarian."
"That's ridiculous."
"You intolerant bastard."
"All right Light... I'm getting tired of this." Jesus said with a ting of irritation for the first time in his lifetime(s). One more iPod dropped and hit his head.
"ALL RIGHT! THAT IS IT, BOY! YOU NEED SOME DISCIPLINE!!!" Jesus shouted.
Jesus had cracked. This was not good news. It had never happened before. He raised his hand in the air, and a giant machete formed in his hand.
"Oh shit." Light said.
Jesus rushed at Light, shoving the machete through Light's ribs.
"AW MUTHA-"
"Fudgers! I love those things! They still at retail?" An officer asked.
"Yes. I believe so. I have a bag of them in the van. Can you go get them?" L replied.
"Sure!" The cop went off towards the bus to go get a bag of Fudgers. Mmm...l love Fudgers... mini brownies that are more like chocolate then brownie. How it is possible is unknown.
While you were listening to the conversation about Fudgers, Jesus had stabbed Light through 263 points on his body. Light was drenched in his own blood, crying and wetting himself. Ryuk was flying right above the fight, munching on some apples.
"Dang. This is pretty awesome." He admitted as he swallowed an apple. He choked on the apple and fell down.
Anyways, the cop headed towards the van, ready to get some fudgy goodness, when all of a sudden... A TRUCK CAME AND RAN HIM OVER!!! The truck transformed.
"Fudgers are right of all sentient beings." Optimus Prime declared.
Transformers fanboys in the corner cheered loudly until they began to get beaten up by street patrol.
The Autobot began running towards the fight between Jesus and Light. Jesus was winning. By now, he had just lodged the machete in Light's leg and already began firing laser beams.
"Jesus!" Optimus Prime cried.
"Huh? Optimus?" Jesus looked up and stopped blasting Light.
"Jesus, how could you have done such an act? This could only have been done by a Decepticon, not an Autobot!"
"I'm sorry, Optimus, but..."
"Hey, I'm still here." Light said, but with his dislocated jaw it sounded like, "Shay, Phligm shtllz zhheear."
Jesus stepped on Light's face.
"Jesus, or should I say, Megatron?" Optimus Prime questioned.
Jesus stared at him, and soon a dark grin became visible.
"So you saw through my disguise, Prime!" What appeared to be Jesus began to transform, and soon became Megatron.
Light's face got crushed in.
"One shall stand, and one shall fall." Optimus Prime said.
Megatron began walking towards Optimus Prime to engage in an epic staring contest, but tripped over Ryuk's choked up apple. Apparently, he had managed to get it dislodged out of his throat. Megatron went tumbling down, landing on the ground, face-down.
A fish leapt out of the ground.
To be continued... In chapter 2
Now I gotta go lose weight again... And regain the brain cells I lost while writing this...
